When Cristiano Ronaldo suffered an injury in the first match after a wizard named Pepe wrote a letter to Real Madrid informing them that he had been hired to cast a spell on Cristiano to cause him to get hurt, the world’s crazies took this as a call to action.
First, Fernando Nogueira, a Portuguese man known as “the wizard of Fafe”, came forward and said he had been hired by close to Ronaldo to counter the black magic spell. Well, Ronaldo is still hurt and Pepe is now threatening to curse him with another injury that will end his career, so the situation looks dire for Ronaldo. Is there no one who can save him from this storm of coincidence and make believe magic?
Damn straight there is — PERUVIAN SHAMANS UNITE!!!!
That’s right, on Monday a group of Peruvian Shamans gathered outside the Spanish embassy in Lima to channel their own powers of delusion into removing the curse on Ronaldo (pictured above). Though the ritual does look a bit more menacing than helpful, what with the sharp metal things and all the wackadoos and the maracas(?), I think there just might be enough insane nonsense going on here to counteract that of Pepe the wizard.
After all, if you can’t trust a guy wearing a dead animal around his neck to remove a curse, who can you trust? I mean, really.
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